Perfection: Progress Process

These past few months, I have been working on understanding where I am in life, and in many ways, reconciling myself to it.  I have always been quite the perfectionist, and I am talking intense perfectionism here.  From an early age, I have loved to be in control and have these organized and done just right.  I would teach my brother Joseph what I learned in school and make him do things the right way.  Family Home Evening was very similar, with me in charge and telling my parents and brother how things were.  If you have ever seen Land Before Time, I was Cera.  Exactly.  I knew everything and was always right.  Perfection was my goal, and everyone should know that I attained it.  I knew that I was not perfect, I didn't like it, but could usually accept it.  However, it was a completely different story if someone else knew I wasn't perfect.  Somewhere, deep inside of me, was a deeply rooted belief that although wrong, still affected much of what I did and how.  I believed that if others knew I was not perfect, they would not love and accept me because I would not be good enough.

Thus, although a necessity, moving home due to my health, was very difficult for me.  It seemed to magnify all of my imperfections and in a way that I could not hide from others.  I have learned many lessons as a result of my struggles with health.  One that has simplified my life in many respects, is that I am not perfect right now and it is okay.  I have learned to be grateful for my imperfections because without them, I would not be able to use the Atonement properly.  It is a direct result of my weaknesses, that I am able to fall on my knees to be lifted up through the greatest gift we, as mankind, have ever received.

As I have struggled and pondered with the concept of perfection, I have had a few thoughts I would like to share.  The basis of them, is that perfection is not a static state.  It is not something we achieve and then are done with.  It is a progress.  It must be.  We are told in the scriptures "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." (Matt 5:48).  In the hymn, If You Could Hie to Kolob, we are taught that "Improvement and progression have one eternal round."  So first, we learn that God is perfect.  Also, that we must learn to become perfect like He is.  Then, we are taught that progression never ends.  It continues on and on for all of eternity.  That, to me, suggests that although God is perfect, he must continue to progress to retain that status.  Therefore, it is not a level I must reach, but a state of being.  If that is true, then although I may never reach a point where I make no mistakes and commit no sins in this life, I can continue to progress.  I can come to know and understand what it means to be in a state of continuous progression which will be continued until I have no more imperfections, sins, or weaknesses, and for the rest of eternity. The Prophet Joseph Smith said this, "When you climb up a ladder, you must begin at the bottom, and ascend step by step, until you arrive at the top; and so it is with the principles of the gospel - you must begin with the first, and go on until you learn all the principles of exaltation.  But it will be a great while after you have passed through the veil before you will have learned them.  It is not all to be comprehended in this world; it will be a great work to learn our salvation and exaltation even beyond the grave." (HC 6:306-7).  

I will not achieve perfection in this life, so I can stop living that charade.  It is a wonderful gift that I have weaknesses and sins, that I may access the saving power of the Atonement.  Through that process, my Heavenly Father is able to show me just how much He truly does love me.  It is also the process through which I am made the most beautiful version of myself possible.  And although I may never reach perfection in this life, I can attain the state of being that leads to it, a state of continual improvement and progression.