Reminders

Last week I had two great reminders from Above that I am not alone in this journey. Both small and simple, but so meaningful to me. The first was simply that I received an email back from the admissions director of the school I want to go to. I had been debating on what to do about school, and after trying a few different options, felt like I should at least send an email to them. I asked a few questions and wondered if it would be possible to talk to some of the students about them. I also asked about additional sources of funding besides student loans, ie. scholarships. After about a week I received the reply. It was so kind and helpful. Such a change from the typical I am used to dealing with at schools. And such a testimony to me, that when we follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit, we will be blessed. So even though I don't know if the plan is for me to end up going to school there or not, I know that I will be blessed for following whatever path I am set on.
The second happened while I was at the temple doing proxy work in the Baptistry. A woman came up to me and thanked me for the work I had just done because one of the names was her mother-in-laws. She also thanked me for her husband who was there with her. It was so sweet. A wonderful reminder that what we do in the temple means so much to so many, in addition to blessing our lives. I was so grateful for the tender mercies of the Lord, and that I was able to recognize them as such. Its great to be reminded that my Heavenly Father loves me and is watching over me.

Stand Up!

So, this post is going to be a bit political. In my opinion, Obama and his cronies are out to destroy the America. The road that has brought us to where we are now started many many years ago, but our dear President plans on capitalizing on it as much as possible. Many things that he (and his administration) has done and said, well, I just plain don't agree with. For example, the report by the Department of Homeland Security, and Janet Napalitano's affirmation and support of the information that defines Right Wing Extremism as: "Rightwing extremism in the United States can be broadly divided into those groups, movements, and adherents that are primarily hate-oriented (based on hatred of particular religious, racial or ethnic groups), and those that are mainly antigovernment, rejecting federal authority in favor of state or local authority, or rejecting government authority entirely. It may include groups and individuals that are dedicated to a single issue, such as opposition to abortion or immigration." Hmmm, I wonder how many of us fit into that definition? Basically, any person with any right wing ideals. I guess at age 22, I just became defined as an extremist. Along with my 11 year-old sister and 80 year-old veteran grandfather. The direction towards Socialism that Obama is guiding our beloved country appalls and terrifies me. I have absolutely no desire to find myself in Nazi Germany, or Communist Russia. Do we not remember the horrors we have heard from the people who lived through it? Also not to be over looked, is him kindly stating to the world that we are arrogant, and not a Christian nation. (I happen to like this man's response to those comments).
Well Mr. President, here is my response to what you are trying to do:

The Title of Liberty. "In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children." “Whosoever will maintain this title upon the land, let them come forth in the strength of the Lord, and enter into a covenant that they will maintain their rights, and their religion, that the Lord God may bless them.” There you have it Mr. President. I stand waving my Title of Liberty, covenanting with my God, a Christian God, that I will defend my family, my rights, and my religion. No matter what you say, do, or make into law, I will stand fighting with my God. You can turn our constitution upside down and inside out, make living in this country, particularly with Christian and "right wing" ideals, values, and principles, a living hell, but I will remain standing. In the end, Judgment Day will come, and you will have to answer to the same God as I. And I plan on standing to answer and thereby proving my worthiness to enter the kingdom of God. Regardless of how horrible, awful, or hard it becomes, regardless of the atrocities you commit, I will endure and prove faithful to God. He is the one who will win this battle in the end. Nothing you can do will stop Him, or His work from progressing. Therefore, with my loyalties being declared, my response to you Mr. President Barack Obama (and followers) is, Bring It On.

Easter

I realize that after all my promises to pay more attention to my blog, I have been quite absent again. I also realize that this post, titled Easter is coming after the holiday. There is a reason for it. As I was thinking back on the holiday and how many great messages about Christ there are. My thoughts wandered to the history. Christ's life, the Jews, the Bible. To the Christian heritage that is the Jewish religion. Sadness announced itself when the horrors that have been dealt to the Jews were remembered. Particularly those of the Holocaust. That we, Christian people, could allow such atrocities to the people that we came from. It truly saddens me. Yes, they have not embraced Jesus Christ as their Savior and Redeemer, as the Messiah, but they are the people who have given us our history, our Bible. And so easily we forget and scorn. Therefore, I dedicate this post to my heritage. To those of my family who have gone before me. Had their faith tried, tested, and proved true. To those who have found their own way in life, trusted in God to lead them and protect them. Those whom I am perhaps not directly related to but who have still left me a heritage of faith to follow. Those prophets who have endured the trials, the scorn of the people, and still they followed in faith and strength. To the Jews, the Latter-day Saints, my family, and all those good people whose stories I have heard, examples I have looked up to even if I don't know them in person. To you, I give my thanks. I am strengthened by the examples and faith of you. In my own personal trials of faith, I am uplifted and find endurance in the knowledge that you have gone before and succeeded so beautifully. So thank you for not giving up, for proving yourselves true and faithful. I hope that at the end of my life, I can say that I have done the same and those that follow me, will have added my name to the list of those who have left a worthy example to follow.

Broken

At a fireside tonight by Mark Mabry, the photographer of Reflections of Christ, the story in the New Testament of the feeding of the five thousand was mentioned. As I heard the words, the thought cam to mind of all the possible parts for me to play in that story, and the lessons that could be learned. But one in particular stuck out to me because I hadn't thought of it before. It formed itself into a question. Am I willing to be the bread? Am I truly willing to sacrifice myself to Christ for whatever he might need me for? To be broken, blessed, and then shared with all who needed it? Perhaps that is what our life is truly about, learning to offer ourselves as bread. To be a sustaining power in the lives of those around us, to be used by Christ to feed his sheep. We have to offer ourselves. We have to allow Him to break us. Only after we are broken can we be shared with those who need the life-giving essence that only He can provide.

I was also reminded today of a thought I had a few years ago while watching the film Joseph Smith Prophet of the Restoration. I was struck by the faith and strength of Emma Smith. She suffered so much, and yet, continued on supporting her husband. At the time, I had the thought, "If I could go through have as much as she did with similar strength, faith, and grace, I would count myself as a good woman". I was lying in bed thinking of all that has been going on in my life and many of the things I have been struggling with, when I recalled that thought. It dawned on me that perhaps I am receiving my wish, that all of this, is the Lord giving me a chance to aspire to that elect lady. I wanted to take back what I had said before, that I didn't want to go through all of that, but what was done was done. Now, I just have to choose whether or not to rise to the occasion. To make it possible for some young girl to someday say, "If I could but be half as good as she, I would consider myself as having lived a good life."

I have heard it said many times that God loves broken things. It is a good thing He knows how to put them back together because often I feel shattered. Amazingly, as many times as I struggle and wonder why and how to get through this, if it will ever get easier, I would still stand before a tribunal today and willingly accept every challenge, every trial, every hurt, every pain, if it was what would make me into the bread that would feed the thousands. If it would make me into Fall. If it would make me into an Emma Smith. If I were told there would never be another easy moment in my life, but the rest of it would be filled with struggles and pains even greater than I could now imagine, I would choose that fate willingly if it meant I would be reconstructed into something greater than I can become by myself. So, although there is much I don't understand and often the struggles and hurdles to be overcome seem never ending, I accept them as they break me to be blessed and then spread to feed His sheep that need nourishment. I accept them as they teach me a small portion of what it is to be an elect lady. I accept them because I know that my Savior is making me into something else, something better.

Stake Conference

The adult session of Stake Conference was tonight.  It was wonderful.  The main themes were trials and the Atonement.  The Spirit was wonderful and strong.  Mom gave a great talk.  I wanted to share what I wrote to my brother about the occasion (or part of it).
I am so grateful for my trials. Grateful that the Lords loves me and trusts me enough to give them to me, and let me get through them. That I am able to learn lessons and grow. If He gives me something I look at and think may be too hard, but it doesn't get taken away, then it means I can do it. I don't have to do it alone. He is there, he understands, and he can lighten my burden. I know that things are hard, but so long as they are teaching me and bringing me closer to my Saviour and what He wishes for me to become, then I accept them with a glad heart knowing it will be rough at times, but so worth it. And remember, that every loss will be compensated to those who are faithful (Elder Wirthlin). Oh, how I love this gospel. It is true. It brings joy and peace. There is strength and comfort to be found during our trials, those hard blessings. I thank the Lord for what he is teaching me, and who that is making me.
I hope that each of you, no matter what you may be going through in your life, will be able to find joy and gratitude for it. Even, the hard things. Especially the hard things.

Grey Epiphany

I was lying in bed the other night imagining having a new bedroom with white walls and someone had asked me what colour I was going to paint them.  My immediate response was purple.  The lighter than lavender colour that is my current room.  I was going through my reasons for that choice, and one of the things I like about it, is that often it almost seems grey.  I followed that path of thought to dissecting the colour grey.  As I did this, I realized grey is the most amazing colour.  It is anything and everything and nothing all at the same time.  Grey can convey light, calm, and welcome feelings.  Or it can convey dark, harsh, and depressing ones.  It is a beautiful mixture of all colour and a complete lack of colour that can make something so multifaceted.  Grey can do anything.  It encompasses everything, and yet is nothing.  It has within its power to convey, enhance, or diminish any feeling, emotion, message or energy.  I am a very colour oriented person, and connect to them more than most people do.  I love the messages they can send, the ideas and emotions they each represent, and the energies they have.  Thus the colour grey astounds me.  All colour, all light.  No colour, no light.  Which direction is it coming from?  The darkness towards the light, or the light into the darkness?  Is it more a lack of, or more a tainting?  Is it more white and therefore light and colour, or is it more black and have no colour and light?  Does it have any colour?  What a mind-boggling dilemma, and a powerful colour.  Grey can stand alone, or be used in combination with any other colour.  It can express the ideas that come with each of the other colours without being that colour.  It is the great chameleon. It has found a way to exist and be all, without being anything.  It may now be at the top of my colour list (although it is technically considered a neutral, unlike browns which are not).  Grey has an infinite number of uses and abilities, all based on this state of being an existent non-existent.  I still love the tints of purple that I loved before my discovery of grey.  The implications, benefits, and beauty of those colours (and all colours for that matter and not just purples) still exists.  Only now, it seems to be overshadowed by the mysterious magic of the colour Grey.

Apology

I have been so neglectful of my blog.  There are many reasons I could attribute that too, but as I am not a fan of excuses, I won't.  I do want to make it known however, that it has not been due to a lack of lessons or insights.  There have been many challenges, blessings, lessons, and growth since my last post.  I just never transferred them to the blog.  I am sad mainly for myself of missing the opportunity to share them with you as I know that it is unlikely that I will go back and post them all now.  But I am also sad that I haven't had more of an interaction with you, and you have missed out on hearing so much.  I pledge to do better in the future.  Not perfect mind you, but better.  And so long as I am improving, I think it is safe to say I am on the right path.