Who am I?

Today in Institute, we took a tangent from the Doctrine and Covenants discussing primarily how to receive revelation and teach by the Spirit and ended up in the New Testament discussing imagery and how we can apply the stories. Brother Ray said that one of the things he has found helpful is to ask two questions. First, who is the Savior in this story? Second, who am I?

For example, when the Savior feeds the multitude five thousand on five loaves of bread and two fishes. The account in John 6:1-13 gives us some key insight into how the story took place and the different characters we may be. When the Lord asks Philip "Whence shall we buy bread that these may eat?" He replies that bread bought with a days wage of two-hundred men would not be sufficient to feed the crowd. The apostles had left their own occupations to travel with Jesus and therefore mostly lived off the generosity of others. Even had it been enough bread for the group, they would not have been able to afford it. Philips reply to the Lord could be translated as 'Lord, there is no way we can even think about feeding this whole crowd. It would be impossible with what we have.' In verse 9, Andrew tells the Lord of a boy in the crowd who has five loaves of barley bread and two small fishes, "but what are they among so many?" Jesus replies by having the disciples organize the crowd there on the hill. He then takes the bread and fish offered by the little boy, gives thanks, and feeds the disciples with it. The excess he divides between twelve baskets to be passed throughout the multitude. And all were filled.
Now for our two questions. Who is the Savior in this story? That one is easy. The next may be more difficult. Who am I? Am I a disciple who tells the Lord there is no way to feed all of these people, it cannot be done. What is so little worth among so many? Do I doubt that the Savior can provide? That he can not only fill me but everyone else as well? Perhaps I am the crowd. Am I sitting and waiting for the Lord to fill me? Do I trust him to provide for me? Am I just apathetically sitting here waiting for the food to be given to me? And if its not, then oh well, I will just leave and take care of myself. Do I know what I am waiting for? Or, am I the little boy? Not only do I come prepared, but I am willing and eager to give the Lord my meager amount. I know that he will not only accept what I have to give, but he will make it enough. Enough so that not only will I be fed, but those around me do not have to suffer for my shortcomings. I think that too often I am the doubting disciples, and note that it was his faithful followers, his disciples, who did not believe he could feed the multitude, or the waiting crowd, trying to be faithful and to receive the gifts and knowledge but not always knowing what to expect or being proactive in ensuring that I do indeed receive them.

Lets try it with another story. The Prodigal Son. It is one we know well. First let us note in Luke 15:12, when the youngest son asks his father for his inheritance, the Father divides his living unto them. Both sons receive their living at this time. The youngest son as we know goes out into the world and squanders his portion. A famine falls upon the land and the son goes hungry. He remembers how the servants of his fathers household had "bread enough to spare, and I perish with hunger". He decides upon going to his father with the full knowledge that he is no longer worthy to be called son, but will ask to be a hired servant. Verse 20 says "And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck and kissed him." The son admits his sins against heaven to his father and confesses his unworthiness to be called son. The fathers reply to this is to call his servants to bring the best robe and put it upon his son, and a ring, and shoes. They are further instructed to make a feast of the best kind. The elder brother hears the merry-making on his way in from the field and inquires of the reason. After the servant explains to him the joy of his father in receiving the younger son, the he is angry and "would not go in. Therefore, came his father out, and intreated him. And he answering said to his father, 'Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends: But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf."
Before we finish the story as recorded in the scriptures, lets ask the first question. Who is the Savior? I propose, and I am sure you will all agree, that the Savior is the father. If that is so, the eldest son is not the Savior. Therefore, he is not perfect. Then it also follows that his statement made to his father that "neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment" is false. However, as he said it, he believed it to be true. Let us then ask why the Savior told this story in the first place. He was being criticized by the Pharisees and scribes for eating with sinners. What group of people in that time professed to be perfect, to keep the law completely and never transgress it? Oh yes, the Pharisees. But what do we know about the Pharisees that they did not accept about themselves? Although they professed to keep all the law and know all the doctrine, to be perfect servants unto the Lord, they did not truly do so nor did they receive their Savior when he came unto them. Given these circumstances, might it make sense then that the eldest brother is a type from the Pharisees. Now, don't start feeling like you have nothing to worry about then, we have no Pharisees in our day. How often have you gone to church and not really pondered on the Sacrament? How often do your prayers become a bit trite and ritualistic? Perhaps we may not flaunt our law abidingness as the Pharisees did, but that does not set us free and clear. When the father tells his eldest son at the end of the story that "Son, thou are ever with me, and all that I have is thine", footnote b references Doctrine and Covenants 84:38. This verse reads "And he that receiveth my Father receiveth my Father's kingdom; therefore all that my Father hath shall be given unto him." Preceding that verse, the Lord says "For he that receiveth my servants receiveth me" and "he that receiveth me receiveth my father". As we have been commanded in Matthew 25:40 that "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me", by not receiving his lost brother who had come home with joy, the eldest had not truly received the Lord. Therefore, although his father tells him "all that I have is thine," the son has not and cannot receive it until he will receive his brother, for in doing that, he will receive his Savior and be welcomed home.
Let us discuss the youngest son for a moment. He asked for his inheritance from his father, then "took his journey into a far country, and there he wasted his substance with riotous living." He sinned. But then he repents. He recognizes his sin, his unworthiness to be called a son by his father. He no longer deserves to be a son, to be family. Never the less, he deems it worthwhile to return to his father, to be but a servant if that is all he can now be. By doing so, he discovers the fathers love and grace for him. He has not even returned to his fathers house, he is "a great way off" when his father runs out to greet him with compassion and welcoming hugs and kisses. Not only was the youngest son welcomed back by his father, but he was received as great guest with the best of feasts and welcoming gifts. "For this was my son dead, and is alive again". A footnote from verse 21, when the son is confessing his sins to his father, directs you to the Topical Guide under Contrite Heart; Worthiness. After receiveing his inheritance and squandering it away, the son was no longer worthy. However, when he returned home humbled, with a contrite heart, recognizing his own lowness, he was willing to recieve whatever his father had for him, even servitude. Similarly, after we received our inheritance from the Lord in the pre-mortal life, left to a far country to waste it away (which occurs with our first sin), we too are no longer worthy to be called a son or daughter in our fathers house. It is only by becoming humbled, and on our journey back to him to admit our unworthiness, that he can greet us in the road and escort us back to his home with for the greatest of feasts. Our heart must be contrite. And we do not even have to make it all the way back to the house on our own, we will be greeted a long way off with the compassion and kisses or our Savior. In contrast, the eldest son does not realize his unworthiness, his sins. He does not rejoice in a brothers return home because he is not truly home himself. Now we may ask, who am I?

While pondering these and other stories, I have come to wonder what else I have been missing. And also what connections between these and other stories have I not caught because of my lack of understanding and effort? I usually think of myself as the prodigal son, but am I truly? Who am I in the five thousand? The little boy? May I also suggest another possible lesson and application from both of these stories? We are taught by the Savior of our need to become as the little children. The little boy with the loaves and fishes offered them willingly and freely, and I would suppose with complete trust that the Lord would accept them and no thought that perhaps it was not enough. The youngest son recognizes that he has done something bad, yet he still went to his father to confess and ask for whatever his father would still offer him. It has been my experience that as I tell my parents, or the kids I'm babysitting tell me of something they have done wrong that I may or may not have learned of later, it is much easier to be lenient and forgive them, than when they try to hide it from me. My suggestion then is this, that we learn from these two boys to trust that whatever we have to give, no matter how small it may seem in comparison to what is required or what someone else can give, that it will be enough, and that we should not be afraid to approach our father in sin to confess and ask how he can help us. In doing so, we will be fed and filled, we will feast and be welcomed home with merriment.

Any comments and thoughts you have on what I have written above, I would love to hear. Please share them. Also, I don't pre-write and then edit these posts, so please forgive and excuse my mistakes, and I hope it all comes out being readable sense. I hope that you and I can consider on a more frequent basis who we are in the teachings of the Savior and where are relationship is with him. And please, please, please, I really would like to hear what you think. Don't be afraid.